It has been interesting engaging in this journey with my parents especially my father with his alzheimers and cancer both up close as well as from afar. I am fortunate in this process to also have two participating siblings along with nieces and nephews who also engage but it has been at times difficult to observe the changes while realizing you showing up and being present for them really matters. My siblings and I are very different but somehow we each seam to be filling a space. I am the oldest, but the most free spirited. I often wondered what it would be like when this time came, but now it’s here. In that we must also take care of ourselves in the proces as we not only reflect that light back to ourselves but to them. It becomes a great time of healing for everyone.
Yesterday I took soup and sandwiches over to them. My dad lit up like a Christmas tree. It was at that moment..I truly realized he was looking forward to my visit. I speak to my mom everyday and visit with them at least once a week. My middle brother who lives right around the corner from them..drives by and checks on them daily. One day when I pulled up , he was driving by and saw I was there so smiled and kept going. My youngest brother comes up to visit from Middletown every other week and he is the one who keeps their appliances and technology going. It’s funny because we never sat down to talk about how this would work..but it just seems to.
I do worry about my mom as she appears to be a bit overly engaged and although she has allowed us to step in and take care of things there is still so much she is not ready to let go of..this is her process and we just do our best to honor it. Yesterday she looked at me and for the first time said..I don’t like asking you all for help as you all have lives and family…but there are just some things I never learned how to do because your father took care of everything. I felt that directly in my heart..and I said mom this is what we are here for..and it’s all ok. I saw a tear roll down her cheek then I watched her get up and help my dad with his sandwich. Such a bond they have…63 years. So many thoughts and emotions went through my mind. My dad’s memory is deteriorating more and more each day..and he has troubles walking..shuffles like a baby. But he still has his smile.which is where mine comes from…so that is the gift I bring. Last night they wanted to see one of my teaching lectures so I play it for them and they smiled and chuckled the entire time.. My dad said your uncle Darius, his oldest brother always said you would be a teacher like him. He was my favorite uncle Dr. Darius Brown who I sometimes used to spend summers with in DC.
Its a balance. I am realizing..be present for ourselves…as it helps them to not worry about their children. ….cherish the time with them as it will soon fade away…be present for yourself….rest….let the Universe hold you and let yourself be human….
To my friends having similar experiences..A reflection….
Love
Riue
